Shit Wendy Knows

If you take any kind of diet supplement - metabolizers, diuretics, laxatives, caffeine - please, for the love of all that’s holy, DON’T FART!

There is a better than even chance your little toot will leave you with a big mess. Never trust a fart, as they say.

This can’t be stressed enough.

Always remove batteries from sex toys when traveling by air. Put them in checked luggage. You do not want to be mistaken for a terrorist just because you enjoy onanism.

If you only get one day off in a beautiful, sunny week, it will be the day it rains. See also: buttered toast always lands butter side down.

Pour isopropyl rubbing alcohol into stinky running shoes to kill stinky bacteria.

Never, ever measure vanilla.

Potassium helps prevent muscle cramps. After working out, have a banana or a cucumber. Stay hydrated.

Putting cooling men’s shaving gel on the outer labia after personal grooming is downright fun. Seriously. Try it.

Do not stack wood while wearing flip flops. I just learned that one. Ouch.

Don’t fuck bloggers.

Take pity on heroin addicts; they’re chronically constipated.